Possible Substance Abuse Within The CML?

In light of the new NBA-style rule about hanging on the rim I have decided to delve into the dark side of the CML, the possible substance abuse. I have been hanging around team locker rooms lately, and all the guys admit that doping is becoming an issue. Steroid use was introduced to the league by Zac "The Crimson Chin" Elenchin, when he passed on the anabolic steroids to Zach Cumby after the Ranchero vs. Crimson Chins preseason game. Late addition to the league, Josiah "The Centaur" Ott, is rumored to be addicted to Human Growth Hormone, or HGH. This would explain his freakish height and ability to shove away defenders with his infamous left forearm shiver. Probably the only certain substance abuser in the CML is 872 Juggalo Jason Gibson. Gibson has been battling addiction to horse adrenaline for years, and he is an avad fan of the Insane Clown Posse (he is a Juggalo if you will.) ICP is not a band for the faint of heart, or the "recreational" drug user, it is for only the most hardcore of people. However, the most shocking of all the players I will not name, but it has been rumored that this 6' tall Chin who has yet to score is searching for a "steroids guy". He is frustrated with his inability to drive in traffic and plow defenders like Robert Traylor. Anyone who knows of any possible doping incidents within the CML should call the anonymous CML drug hotline, or contact me at @afurman16 on Twitter.